Genesis 19:17 says “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!”

If only we hadn’t married so soon. If only we had more money. If only I had married Jake instead of John. Regrets in marriage are damaging. They keep our eyes fixed on the rear view mirror instead of on the road ahead. While reviewing the past and assessing what we’ve learned through mistakes can be a healthy exercise, regretting the past only serves to fuel discontentment and impede growth.

Regret is like that. We keep looking over our shoulder, wondering if what we’ve left behind might have been better than what we’re moving forward. God’s angel warned Lot and his wife not to look back, and its a warning for us too.

If you routinely catch yourself starting a sentence with “if only,” regret may be as issue you need to deal with. While dwelling on what might have been is never healthy, regret can be an important signal to stop and examine your emotions. In your private time with God, pray about the emotions you’re experiencing. Perhaps you’ll discover that your disappointment is springing from unmet needs. With these needs clarified, you can have a forward-thinking conversation with your spouse about how to improve your relationship.

I realized that my fear of God’s inability to meet our needs in the future was driving my regret. Once I discovered that, I could stop looking to the past and begin focusing on a vision for what God might accomplish in our future.

LET’S TALK

• What, if any, regrets do either of us have in our lives?
• What unmet need might those regrets indicate?
• How might we use regrets to improve our relationship with each other? What do we need to entrust to God to move forward in our marriage?