Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” (1 Samuel 1:8)

Elkanah meant well. He realized that his wife was upset and hurting from her inability to get pregnant. Added to that, Hannah had to deal with the daily taunts of Elkanah’s other wife, who had plenty to children. Elkanah asked, “Am I not enough? Isn’t my wonderful, huge, spilling-over-into-everything love enough?”

Hannah’s answer was clear,” No, Elkanah, it’s not enough.”

We are so often tempted, like Elkanah, to think that the love we offer in marriage is enough to meet our spouse’s every need. We mean well. When our spouse is feeling lonely or has had a bad day at work, we want to fix things. We want our love to take away whatever the hurt is. But people have needs and desires that a spouse can’t meet, such as a desire for children, a desire related to a job or a desire for friendship.

Our spouse needs other friends too. We cannot and should not be their only friend. We should allow them to find a friend who shares their passion. When we allow them to do so, we will find that our friendship with each other actually deepens as we each make new friends. Having other friends takes a little pressure off our marriage. Since we no longer are looking to each other to meet all our needs, we can relax and enjoy each other more.

When we allow married love to be what it is supposed to be- important but not all-important, meaningful but not all-meaningful, a priority but not the only priority, and when we stop looking to our spouse to be more than he or she can be, then we are able to appreciate the ways marriage does fulfill us.

LET’S TALK

• What emotional, spiritual and social needs do we fill for one another?
• What needs do we fail to fill for each other? How can we have those needs met in appropriate ways?
• Have either of us ever responded like Elkanah to each other’s need? What might have been a better response?

Let’s remember that Jesus is our highest need meeting source. Hope this devotion helps us to understand the needs of each other in marriage.

Caution: The other friend should always be of the same sex, and a believer, if you are a believer. Also the other friend should not be the first priority than your spouse.