Warning signs of trouble reveal themselves at whatever our stage of life may be. Many people have an idealistic view of marriage and are often “blindsided” by the problems that lead to divorce. Newlyweds are often astounded by the conflict that comes early in their marriage. After the wedding, a period of adjustment sets in, and the charm and enchantment of dating and courtship is only a blurred recollection.

After six months of marriage, half of all couples witness dramatic increases in the frequency of arguments. They’re often surprised at how critical they have become of each other. Doubts emerge. They wonder if they really married the right person. How can couples caught in the sudden horror of this disenchantment be helped to grow through it? One way is to first celebrate the areas of strength in our relationship.

Certain behaviors in a marriage relationship can alert us to potential long-term conflict.

Ugly arguments: Disagreements are natural, but they don’t have to be ugly. There are ways to resolve conflict that are healthy and can actually strengthen a relationship.

Being overly critical of each other: When a spouse lacks the self-confidence to demand respect from a mate, one of two things will happen – both negative. Either the weaker person will placate the bully, or the bully will lose so much respect for the other person that he or she will find someone else to respect and will push for a divorce. Also, if one of the partners shows poor self-esteem or feels ignored, abandoned or betrayed by the other partner, serious trouble lies ahead.

Money disputes: Financial disagreements cause serious problems in a marriage. Married couples should resolve how to spend money and on what, asking such questions as -how much of a mortgage can we honestly take on without feeling “house-poor”? Can we use credit cards, without stacking up monthly finance charges? Can we pay our bills in full and on time, or is our debt out of control? How much money are we giving back to God?

Unresolved questions about children: Do we share similar ideas of family planning? Will we have children? If so, how many and when? Will one of us stay home with them while the other spouse works, or will both parents work? Who will take care of the kids? If we can’t discuss these issues without one of us blowing up or walking out, we have a problem.

If any of the above mentioned issues are of warning signs, seek help through counseling or a mentor couple before the situation becomes critical. Whether you’re discussing money or children, try to let each of your conversations be a gateway to understanding your mate, not to getting your own way. Affirm each other in your differences and spend time praying together about the areas where you don’t agree. And leave lots of time to celebrate the love you share!

QUESTION FOR DISCUSSION
Should couples discuss major decisions and come to a consensus? What happens when they don’t?

Hope this devotion helps you to watch the warning signs of trouble and work on it to build a strong marriage.