Then they will cry out to the Lord, but he will not answer them. At that time he will hide his face from them because of the evil they have done. (Micah 3:4)

When you live up-close and personal, as married couples do, it doesn’t take long to see through each other’s doubletalk. If he says, “sure, I’ll take on a good share of the housekeeping” but never picks up a mop or dust cloth, and fails to put his dirty socks in the hamper, she’s going to learn mighty quick that his words are empty. If she says “of course I respect you, darling” but doesn’t forget her own agenda long enough to give him her attention, he will know her words don’t mean a thing.

Actions speak so loudly that after a while, people won’t listen anymore to words they know to be empty. In Micah 3, the prophet warned that one day God would turn a deaf ear to the leaders in Judah. Instead of extending the mercy that is so characteristic of God, he would “listen” to their evil deeds rather than their cries for help. Micah pointed out the doubletalk of these rulers, who should have known and practiced justice but instead were oppressing the people.

If we pattern our marital behavior after Jesus, our model for godly behavior, we will want to forgive each other “seventy-seven times” as Jesus instructed Peter to do in Matthew 18:22. We will want to offer unlimited fresh starts to those who have sinned against us. And yet, forgiving each other doesn’t mean allowing wrong and sinful actions to continue. Genuine repentance is demonstrated through changed behavior that flows from a renewed heart and transformed attitudes.

So what kind of damage do we create if we say one thing with our lips and behave, again and again, in ways that contradict our spoken words? Eventually others will stop believing our words, promises and commitments and expect our words to be meaningless. Trust can be so abused, so broken, that others become deaf to what we speak and “listen” only to what’s being done.

There is a Sunday School song “Oh, be careful little mouth what you say, for the Father up above is listening in love, so be careful little mouth what you say.” I want my actions to back up the verbal promises I made to my spouse on the day I vowed, “I do!” I don’t ever want to violate that trust.

My spouse is watching and ” listening” to my actions. So is God, who is the ultimate judge of all our hearts. And he will hold me accountable for the consistency of my words and behavior.

LET’S TALK

1. When have my actions failed to live up to my words – or my good intentions?
2. Does living in close fellowship with each other help hold us accountable for what we say and do? Does that kind of closeness make us feel uncomfortably vulnerable?
3. How does offering each other forgiveness balance itself with helping each other turn around negative behavior patterns?

Hope this devotion help us to watch our words and actions closely, and keep us away from the sin of doubletalk, which destroys the intimacy in our marriage.