“Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.” – Harriet Dancer

Anger and stress are a part of life, as much for our children as for us. Life is not perfect! We cannot protect our children from experiencing these negative emotions, nor should we. Either the family is the place where children learn to process them in a healthy way, or, if unresolved, the family can be destroyed by them. That requires us to find ways to guard our own emotional health, because children learn most through what they see modeled in their home.

In this devotion we will focus on handling anger.

Learning to manage our own anger
Acknowledging anger: Anger itself is not wrong – it is a common human experience, a part of our God-given design, our instinctive response to an event that has upset, frustrated, irritated or hurt us. It indicates that something is amiss and needs to be sorted out. The adrenaline rush that accompanies anger is designed to spur us into constructive action- to correct injustice or address the offense.

Rhinos and Hedgehogs
The behavior of two animals when hurt or threatened illustrates two unhealthy reactions to anger. The first, a rhino, acts aggressively when provoked. It is likely to put down its head and charge at the source of irritation. The other animal, a Hedgehog, does the opposite. It throws up a protective shield by curling up into a tight ball and raising its prickles to keep the attacker at bay.

Press the pause button
For most of us, it is what we say or do in the first thirty seconds that we are most likely to regret. Our anger may be justified but, in that critical half-minute, we overreact and the results will usually be detrimental to family life.

1. Recognize the sources of anger.
2. Practice apology and forgiveness.
3. Handling our children’s anger:
   a. Allow for childish displays of anger.
   b. See it as a process.
   c. Allow for their different personalities.
   d. Encourage them to talk.
   e. Help them towards maturity.
   f. Teach them to forgive.

Conclusion
Anger is normal. It is healthy. It is part of our emotional makeup. But all of us need to learn to control our anger so that we do not damage ourselves or hurt others. If children are allowed to do this in their family without anyone thinking worse of them, they will become healthier individuals and they will make stronger relationships now and when they are adults.

PAUSE AND CONSIDER

1. How many rhinos and how many hedgehogs are in your family? How does this affect disagreements between you?
2. What do you and your partner get most angry about? Discuss if you could handle these situations better.
3. How easy is it for people to say sorry in your family? What response do they get?
4. How easy it is for your children to express negative feelings at home? What could you do to help them express their worries, fears and anger?

Hope this devotion helps you and your children to handle this most important issue in families.