Then Job replied: “How you have helped the powerless! How you have saved the arm that is feeble! What advice you have offered to one without wisdom! And what great insight you have displayed!” (Job 26:1-3)

Job had endured the criticism and bad advice of his three friends about why God was allowing so much suffering to come upon him. After the friends took turns volleying their opinions at him, Job followed their lead by using a tactic we humans use skillfully, but often destructively, in our closest relationships – sarcasm.

Lest we think sarcasm is funny or harmless, consider that the word sarcasm comes from a Greek word meaning ” to cut the flesh.” Sarcasm can break a heart and tear apart a marriage. It’s like a velvet glove holding a sword, appearing soft but cutting to the heart.
In the Bible, sarcasm is generally used on those who deserve it e.g. in 1 Kings 18:27 Elijah mocking the wicked prophets of Baal by undercutting their God. Jesus called the self-righteous Pharisees “blind guides” who were leading the blind (Matthew 15:14).

Yet Jesus used gentleness and patience so often with his friends and those who came to him for help. To be like Jesus, especially toward the one we’ve vowed to love until death, we should avoid the temptation to use sarcasm.

Ephesians 4:29 teaches us to speak “only what is helpful for building others up.” An occasional sarcasm remark can be funny in marriage if it’s offered with a loving attitude and you both end up laughing. But spouses need to be on the alert for sarcasm’s hidden barbs. Before using sarcasm, a husband and wife should watch their tone and body language, and check their sarcasm against the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

What’s a good way to respond when sarcasm makes its way into a conversation? One tactic would be to imitate Jesus, who was silent when the Jewish religious leaders mocked him on the cross, saying, “He saved others; let him save himself if he is God’s Messiah, the Chosen One”. (Luke 23:35). Another way to defuse sarcasm is to react with humor, which in marriage is a magical balm that soothes many scrapes. Either method is good, but avoid hurling back sarcasm and thereby inviting more. End the war of words before it destroys both of you.

LET’S TALK

1. What underlying feelings are likely to push us to use sarcasm with each other?
2. How have we responded to each other’s sarcastic remarks in the past?
3. In what ways does sarcasm undermine our relationship? What would be a better response?

Hope this devotion helps us in keeping the little fox of sarcasm from ruining our marriage vineyard.