10 Emotional Needs in Marriage

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

10. ADMIRATION
Kind words and recognition for your efforts can make serious love unit deposits for someone who needs admiration. Just as kind words can make serious love units deposits, harsh words and criticism make serious withdrawals.

Men are often driven to achieve, accomplish, and succeed. Men like to hear they are doing well. They like to hear that their efforts are appreciated. Dr. John Gray says how important it is for a woman to show admiration to her man. Even when they are experiencing difficulties, sincere compliments go a long way. When a man hears his wife say something positive about him in front of neighbours or friends, he gets serious love unit deposits.

Dr. Gottman says there are four actions that destroy a marriage and lead to divorce. One of them is criticism. Many people confuse criticism with a complaint. A complaint is when you might say: “Honey you said you would fix the exhaust fan in the washroom this week. But today is Saturday and you have not attended to it. We are going to begin a new week from tomorrow.” Criticism makes it personal. A criticism sounds like this: “You are worthless. You promised to fix the exhaust fan in the washroom and you failed to do it. Why can’t you do anything you say. You’re a liar.”

In relation to the 5 Love Needs the need for admiration is similar to Words of Affirmation. Kind words heal. Harsh words hurt. When we feel pain from our partner it may seem okay to use harsh words. Nothing could be further from the truth. Every harsh word causes a withdrawal in the Love Bank. Enough harsh words cause a negative balance. When the Love Bank goes into the negative the marriage is in serious jeopardy. We control the words we use. We make the choice to make deposits or withdrawals.

ACTION ASSIGNMENT
This week make a conscious effort to check what words we are using in our marriage towards each other. One bag contains KIND words and the other bag contains HARSH words. The choice is ours. From which bag do we want to choose? Keep a record of the deposits and withdrawals from your Love Bank this week. What words are we using the most? Let us ask the Lord for wisdom and discernment in the use of our words in our marital relationship.

Some verses in the Bible to help us be careful of our words:
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29

You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
Matthew 12:34

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Colossians 4:6

PRAYER: Lord Jesus, give us your grace and wisdom to use Words of Life and not Words of Death in our marriage. In Jesus’ name, amen.