Beyond Discouragement, Anger and Resentment to Forgiveness

This week we will be looking at where the couples are in their marital breakdown, determine how they got there, and experience biblical principles for forgiving love.

There is a common thread of events woven through virtually every sad story. So, a concept was developed by Dr. Gary Rosberg (founder of Focus on the Family) that has helped heal and revitalize countless marriages. He refers to it as “The Loop”. Here’s how it works below.

There are three aspects to it:
1. The Open Loop of Conflict
2. The Fork in the Road
3. The Closed Loop of Healing

Today we will be looking into the first aspect.

The Open Loop of Conflict
Marital conflict begins with an offense of some kind. Our spouse says or does something harmful to us, whether intentionally or unintentionally. The offence provokes an emotional reaction – we are hurt and then angered. We picture this as an open loop of conflict in our relationship. At this point, our spouse may not be even be aware that something is wrong.

Instead of addressing the offense and resolving the conflict, many offended spouses respond in ways that only make things worse. We may strike back verbally or in our actions, venting our anger on our spouse. We may bury our anger and let it simmer, hoping to keep the peace until the rift blows over. Or we may just give up and let our spouse have his or her way. In time the issue dies down, and the two of us go on with life. But the painful loop is still open. Many of us live with dozens of open loops in our marriages. Unresolved conflicts and unhealed hurts pile up on each other. Smoldering anger grows into bitterness, resentment, apathy, or even hatred. And with each additional conflict, husband and wife drift further from each other and closer to emotional divorce.

In next week’s devotion, we will further explore in detail the pain and pitfalls of ignoring the open loop of conflict in our marriage.

ACTION ASSIGNMENT
This week let us sit and introspect and have a healthy discussion of the Open Loops of Conflicts in our marriage, which are hurting us and keeping us away from experiencing the Forgiving Love in our marriage as Christ wants us to experience.

PRAYER: Dear Lord Jesus, we want to confess that there are many Open Loops of Conflicts in our marriage and we are hurting with them. Help us to honestly accept it and healthily resolve it to experience the Forgiving Love in our marriage and build a Kingdom marriage. Holy Spirit God we need your help to do this. In Jesus’ name, amen.