Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you… forgiving one another. (Ephesians 4: 31-32)

As we work through the forgiveness process in our relationship with our spouse, we can discover several significant issues.

First, hurting our spouse also hurts God. God calls it sin when we say disrespectful or demeaning words to our spouse. When we display an unloving attitude or are impatient with our spouse, God says we have sinned against Him and need His forgiveness. It is sobering to realize that our sinful words and behaviour toward our spouse are part of why Christ died for us.

Secondly, hurting our spouse saddens God. God feels deep sadness when His precious child feels abandoned because we have failed to make our spouse our top earthly priority. He feels compassion when He sees their disappointment over our broken promises.

As we have reflected on what our sin does to God’s heart, it produces in us a measure of godly sorrow. It’s that godly sorrow that produces change within us.

We have discovered that saying “I was wrong” is much better than saying “I am sorry”.
Saying the word “wrong” conveys more personal responsibility, remorse, and repentance. The word “confess” means “to agree with God” and God says my disrespect and impatience are wrong.

Next, we should ask this question: “will you forgive me?” This brings closure to the issue. The vulnerability it takes for us to ask this question demonstrates our humility, and it also challenges our spouse with their decision to forgive.

Lastly, we have found that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. We are commanded to choose to put away anger, wrath, and bitterness, and forgive each other. Verbalizing our forgiveness by saying “I forgive you” helps us seal the choice. This choice to forgive is what enables us to put away anger toward one another.

ACTION ASSIGNMENT
What is your course of action when you realize you have hurt your spouse through your words and actions?

PRAYER
Lord, lead us to seek Your forgiveness, then one another’s forgiveness. In Jesus’ name, amen.