Therefore, as the elect of God… put on tender mercies. (Colossians 3:12)

Hurts, irritations, unmet needs – life is full of them. How ironic it is that marriage often magnifies these things. For example, we might quickly forget a passing critical comment from a coworker, but we remember the same comment for days – or longer – if it comes from our spouse. And if a casual friend shows a lack of interest in our conversation, we probably think nothing of it. But if our spouse fails to give us undivided attention, look out!

We often ask questions that make our spouses hurt worse, such as “why is my spouse feeling this way?” or “is my spouse overreacting?” or ” would I feel the same in an identical situation?” Instead we should be asking “how could I be more compassionate toward my spouse when he or she is upset, sad, or anxious?”

For many years in our marriage, we apply a simple-but-flawed approach to understanding our spouse’s reactions to certain situations. We ask “rational” questions like “if the same thing that happened to my spouse happened to me, would I react the way he/she is reacting?” The way I see it, if I would not have been disappointed, then she should not, and if I would not have been hurt, then she shouldn’t be hurt. Because of this, we are not tender in our responses to our spouse’s hurts, so there is little or no caring connection between us. In fact, our responses only make matters worse.

Over time, the Holy Spirit pierces our heart in the midst of our questions with this painful and convicting truth – “This is not about you, it’s about your spouse and their pain. Will you let Me care for your spouse through you?”

ACTION ASSIGNMENT
What can we do today to show true, selfless compassion to our spouse?

PRAYER: Father, extend Your compassion to my spouse – through me! In Jesus’s name, amen.